Using Harry Potter comparisons to argue politics doesn’t make you right, a shocking new scientific study reveals

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For several years now, Historians and political analysts the world over have maintained that making analogies in reference to characters in the fictional Harry Potter book and movie series was the apex of political discourse.

Since 1997, there has been a general consensus among experts that whoever can make the most Harry Potter comparisons to defend their political position wins the argument and thereby proves his political stances superiors to those of their opponents. A shocking new study from Japan contests that this may in fact not be true.

The scientists behind the revolutionary study gathered a team of 32 test subjects of different political, religious and ethnic backgrounds with very shitty political worldviews; who were locked in safe rooms for 2 weeks and were allowed no contact with each other or the outside world. These 32 subjects were handpicked specifically for how devoid of logic and absolutely shitty their political positions were.

Over the course of the 2 weeks, the subjects were encouraged to use as many harry potter story lines and character traits as possible to argue politics. Some test subjects compared their favorite politicians to Professor Dumbledore, Harry Potter’s quintessential mentor at the school of hogwarts and even to Harry Potter himself. Politicians they hate were represented by Voldermort (The Villain), and their followers were compared to death eaters (Also bad guys in the harry Potter stories).

After the two weeks period, the test subject’s political positions were analyzed to see if they had become less shitty. They hadn’t. It appears that comparing yourself and your political opponents to harry Potter characters does not, in fact, make your shitty argument any less shitty. It also doesn’t invoke any moral superiority or place you on the “right side of history”, it seems. In fact, the scientists suggest that tendency to reduce overly-complex and nuanced political topics to dumbed down fictional analogies could be a sign of immaturity and infantilism. Oh, and also Autism.

We have reached out to J.K Rowling and her fans in regards to the new study and will update this article should they respond.