The Horseshoe Theory

0
567

EDITOR’S NOTE: The article below is a fan submitted article to AgeOfShitlords. The views expressed within it are the author’s alone, and may or may not be shared by the administration of the site.
You can submit your own article to us at ([email protected]).                                                        

                                 “Arguing with The Man in The Mirror”

Weaponized autism continues its shifting of the political playing field by counteracting anonymity, both online and physical, as the collective screeching from extremists on both ends of the political spectrum drowns out any attempt at debate, study, or compromise. While both groups continue to clash in the open, waving their American flags, bike locks, and screeching rhetoric, observers are left watching—amusedly—as the two homogeneous groups push and pull at each other in a cyclical fracas that eventually dies down and goes nowhere. It doesn’t, however, end there. With the Internet, the fights are evolving. Antifa’s hit and run tactics are failing them as a gaggle of basement dwellers continues to track members down using physical clues found in videos, photos, and social media posts.

How long did it take to identify Moldylocks and confirm that she fucked her life up by snorting pure, collegiate feminism and doing fetish porn?

How long did it take to identify Richard Spencer’s attacker and confirm that he is an *actual* shit-eating cuckold?

And how long did it take to name Eric Clanton as the Bernie-supporting(lel, what a cuck), bike-lock-swinging cocksucker who smashes people in the head when they disagree with his opinions? Opinions that are every bit as optimistically autistic as his opponent’s, I might add.

While /pol/ continues to provide the casual, shitposting observer with kek, many normies are often left wondering just why the screeching never stops.

“Why is it eternal?” they ask in confusion as they tune into Big Bang Theory reruns.

The answer, like the best ones usually are, is simple and unoriginal.

No, I am not some philosopher with a unique opinion. Nihilism teaches us that all of you are meaningless and nothing in the vastness that is the universe we all currently occupy. If you’ve wasted your life, take comfort because none of it ever mattered. If you find yourself young and wanting, take comfort in the fact that you can ascribe whatever made-up meaning to your actions that you would like because none of it will matter to the universe at large.

“You” are free because life is meaningless. Your mind probably isn’t because of various social, political, economic, and religious biases, but that’s for another shitlord to walk you through.

Simply know that I am just like you: a collection of unoriginal thoughts attempting to ascribe meaning to a series of meaningless events that constitute my life.

My job is to relay to the normies currently reading some French wisdom that, for once, doesn’t involve wine, cheese, or jokes about surrendering.

Back in the year 2002, while AIDS was busy celebrating its 40,000,000th infectee, Europe was rolling out the euro (lel), and Kelly Clarkson was rolling in the votes, a man by the name of Jean-Pierre Faye was authoring “Le Siècle des ideologies” where he would relay unto the world his most important observation:

“Extremists are cunts regardless of their beliefs.”

It would become known as “Horseshoe Theory” and it’s going to explain why all the people in your life suck so goddamn much.

Horseshoe Theory claims that the extreme left and the extreme right are closer to each other than either is to what would be considered “center.” It’s why Antifa reminds everyone of fascists– both groups wear matching uniforms, they destroy property when convenient (think Berkeley I and Kristallnacht), and they both incite violence towards anyone with a differing opinion. Everyone not in Antifa is a fascist to Antifa and everyone not a Nazi is a Jew (or commie scum) to a Nazi.

Only a Sith deals in absolutes.

But also extremists.

It works in the media, too. Watch Fox News and CNN for an hour or two and watch both sides bitch about the same shit in the lenses of their already skewed narratives. If you imagine the horseshoe as a table, your Antifa guy and actual right-wing death squad proponent (not an alt-right Trump cuck) will practically be sitting next to each other. However, for those two glorious stretches leading back towards the bend in the horseshoe (center), everyone along the spectrum need only look across the table to find their counterpart staring right back at them with a flip-version of their beliefs clutched in enemy hands.

That part of Horseshoe Theory is why things like Bill Maher debating Milo Yiannopoulos will always provide a decent rating boost. Or why Bill O’Reilly used to show up on The Daily Show– normies are gonna have to watch Tucker screech at/with Trevor Noah, which is fucking tragic and sad if you think about it.

If you actually start thinking about things long enough, you’ll start seeing that shit everywhere, anytime, anything vaguely political comes near your increasingly agitated range of absorption. For someone not on the spectrum (See what I did there?), this is that feeling inside of you when a liberal opens their mouth and you suddenly turn into a /pol/ mouth piece, or when a conservative opens their mouth and you become Che Guevara.

Also, you’re a freethinking anarcho-something-agorist who doesn’t fit in my life view and therefore I hate you. Everyone else, assume that every human being alive falls somewhere on the Left-Right spectrum and conveniently provides evidence for the beliefs expressed in this submission.

Horseshoe Theory: it’s why you should keep mocking your political opponents, sharing those HuffPo and Breitbart articles, and fervently clinging to your increasingly extremist views, my normie friends.

Keep it up, goys, the rest of us are rolling in the kek.

Comments

comments

LEAVE A REPLY

Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here