The 10 Funniest Darwin Awards.

Human evolution

Smart people exist. So do stupid people. One of the greatest misfortunes to befall mankind is that the stupid people greatly outnumber the smart ones. This means the smart people (myself included) are left on a planet with people less intelligent than us who we have to work with, communicate with and coexist with if we are to enjoy our stay here.

-Enter evolution and natural selection. Natural selection allows species or categories of life forms with superior traits to reproduce and pass their genes onto the next generation whilst weaker life forms die off and/or fail to breed. What this basically means to us is that theoretically speaking, as time goes on, the stupid members of our species will find various ways to kill themselves and remove themselves from our gene pool, making it more…Clean, so to speak. Hence the Darwin Awards. The Darwin awards basically identify and honors individuals who end their lives through the most stupid and often hilarious ways. For this special occasion, we have researched and chosen 10 of the funniest ways men have died. Enjoy.

1. That’s not how Russian roulette works bro

Back in the year 2000, a teenager decided that the dangerous game of Russian roulette wasn’t dangerous enough for him and he went out of his way to make the game more dangerous. Instead of putting one bullet in a revolver and pulling the trigger (giving him a one in six chance of dying), he put the bullet in a semi-automatic gun (which automatically moves the bullet to the gun’s chamber) making his chances of dying rise up to 100%.

2. You can’t stop a train with your mind. Who would have thought?

Frenkel, a self-proclaimed “mentalist” from Russia was convinced he could stop moving vehicles in their tracks just by using his mind. Apparently he had stopped several bicycles and cars in their tracks by simply jumping in front of them and wishing for them to stop. This was enough evidence that he had psychic power, at least to him. I guess he didn’t consider the possibility that the reason the vehicles stopped before hitting him was because the drivers were alert and had applied the brakes when they spotted him in front of the road. Frenkel decided to take his powers to a whole new level and jumped in front of an incoming train with the intention of stopping it with his mind. Needless to say the only thing that stopped that day was his life.

3. Using a chainsaw to turn a grenade into a firework does not work.

A frugal man once decided to save some money by using a grenade to create his own fireworks. For some unknown reason, he decided to use a chainsaw to crack the grenade open and get that sweet sweet gun powder that was lying inside. The grenade exploded and sparks started flying everywhere accompanied by parts of the man’s body and…… you get the picture.

4. You could lose in a fight with a lion (Shocker).

Back in 1989, an Australian Kung-Fu master told his class that they were good enough to “take on lions” which we’re guessing was not meant to be taken literally. One of the students decided that figurative expressions were a thing of the past and taking works literally was the new “YOLO”. He demonstrated this by visiting his local zoo immediately after hearing the teacher’s words, jumped into the nearest lion cage he could find and proceeded to take the lion on. His funeral was hosted shortly afterwards.

5. Two men steal a plane after a drunken bender – it doesn’t end well.

It is a well-known fact that driving after drinking is quite dangerous, if not deadly. So imagine how much guts it takes to drink and fly an airplane. Alas, this is what two very brave Canadian men did back in 1996. After a weekend of boozing, they stole a plane successfully and flew it – into high voltage power lines.

6. Bungee jumping is suicide for indecisive people. But what if the cords are homemade?

A young man decided that professional bungee jumping wasn’t quite dangerous enough and decided to make things a lot more interesting. First he used tape to fix two different bungee cords together and then he cut them to fit the exact height of the bridge he wanted to jump from. He tied the cord to his car and jumped into the abyss – forgetting that bungee cords are designed to stretch.

7. Terrorist opens his own letter bomb.

Iraqi terrorist Kyat Rahnajet decided to send out a letter bomb in 2000. Not being the brightest of fellows, he forgot to put enough postage stamps on the letter, meaning it came back to the “return to sender” address – His own address. Kay was so happy to receive some post that he immediately ripped it open. His career in terrorism ended that day.

8. Don’t heat your lava lamb in your stove. It could end badly.

Lava lamps are cool (if you live in the Playboy Mansion, circa 1989), which is why a man in Washington bought one back in 2004. After plugging it in, the man, Philip, thought it was taking too long to get going and he placed it in the stove to speed the process up. Things got a lot more interesting when it exploded and a shard of glass was embedded in his chest. He bled to death.

9. Bulletproof glass isn’t idiot-proof.

This is a classic example of office banter that went perhaps a little too far. Lawyer Garry Hoy was always boasting to his friends about how the windows in his Toronto office were bulletproof and unbreakable. One day, he decided to prove this theory by jumping into one of the windows at full pace. Perhaps he thought the windows would stop his speed or maybe he thought they had a magical force field that would bounce him back. We may never know what he expected to happen, not that that matters now because he crashed through the “unbreakable” windows, and ended up on the pavement 24 floors below.

10. Man dies after getting a vibrator stuck up his anus.

This death did not warrant a Darwin award but we decided to include it in the list due to the sheer stupidity of it. Early in 2014, a 50 year old man was taken to a London hospital after getting a sex toy lodged in his anus. Unfortunately, doctors were unable to remove the item in time and he died of septic shock. Not a glamorous way to die.


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