ISIS surrenders following vigilant “Thoughts and prayers” from Facebook users

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The Islamic state has announced that it is ending its efforts towards world domination, due to vigilant efforts from Facebook users earlier this week. Following the recent terrorist attacks in the United Kingdom, millions of fed-up Facebook users took to their favorite social network to share thoughts of solidarity and prayers towards the victims. The Facebook posts alone are estimated to have killed at least 5,000 Islamic State fighters.

To make matters even worse for ISIS, some Facebook users went one step further by updating their Facebook profile pictures with custom-made frames designed specifically for this purpose. This was the straw that broke ISIS’s neck. By the time the users begun sending positive energies the way of the victims, the war was already over and ISIS was defeated.

Speaking to our reporters, the leader of ISIS, Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, said the attacks were unlike anything he had ever seen. He compared them to the nukes dropped on Japan’s Hiroshima and Nagasaki during World War II, but said that these ones were a little more deadly:

The attacks were unlike anything I have ever seen. I have heard of weapons of mass destruction, but this is too much……. One moment, you’re having fun with your friends and fantasizing about dominating the world, next thing you know, thousands of thoughts and prayers are being dropped on you per minute. What can men do against such reckless savagery………
This is like that time when The United States nuked Japan during the second world war, but the US at least had some mercy, because those nukes aren’t as deadly as the ones we had the misfortune of witnessing this week. I think we’re done.. we can’t continue anymore…… its over……. I might actually have to see a shrink to help me keep my mental faculties in check. I could get post traumatic stress disorder from this………(crying)
-ISIS Leader (Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi)

The Islamic State has, as of now, been disbanded. The few survivors have escaped into nearby towns and cities where they hope to heal from their scars and reconnect with their families and loved ones.

Meanwhile, terror strikes through the heart of other terrorist groups like Nigeria’s Boko Haram, and Osama Bin Laden’s Al Qaeda, over fears that similar attacks could be carried out there. Sources tell us that some members of said groups have already defected and gone home. We’ll be sure to keep you updated on this story as it develops.

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