Feminist says she was sexually assaulted in virtual reality

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The Oppression Olympics just went nuclear.

We’ve seen all kinds of victim complexes in these past few years. We’ve seen Feminists getting offended because a guy said “hello” to them, we’ve seen a Feminist getting offended by the phrase “Hugh Mungus“, we’ve even seen Feminists pouring urine on a reporter for suggesting that there were only two gender. But this new special snowflake just blew it out of the ball park.

A woman by name Jordan Belamire published an article for Medium, titled “My first virtual reality groping“. In the article, Jordan narrated the terrible ordeal of getting sexually assaulted in a non existing reality.

A week ago, according to Jordan, she was paying a visit to her brother-in-law and having made herself at home, decided to check out his HTC Vive (a virtual reality system).

She said she enjoyed the first few minutes of the game, until she met another player:

“It was my turn next. I glanced one last time around the room before strapping on the massive headset, and into a world more beautiful than I could have imagined.

Turning around 360 degrees, I reveled in the snowy medieval fortress of a game called QuiVr, where you play an archer shooting down the walking dead.

After some instruction, I found my groove with the gameplay. My bow and arrow strung taut, I let an arrow fly and it punctured a demon right through the skull. Nailed it.

Never had I experienced virtual reality that felt so real. I was smitten. I never wanted to leave this world.

To complete the reality of my experience, my brother-in-law directed me to the top of the highest tower in the game.

“Now walk off the ledge,” he suggested.

Ummm… might as well try. I inched closer and closer to the edge, looking out onto a very convincing hundred foot drop. My fear of heights started kicking in, strong. Closing my eyes, I took a single step off the ledge and… nothing happened. I didn’t fall, and I was walking on air. I was a god. Virtual reality had won me over, lock, stock and barrel.

Or so I thought.”

The is where things start getting weird.

She said she came across another player by the name of “BigBro442” (Totally believable name by the way).

BigBro442 was a cyber rapist. He sneaked behind her and begun groping her:

“So, there I was shooting down zombies alongside another real-time player named BigBro442. The other players could hear me when I spoke, my voice the only indication of my femaleness. Otherwise, my avatar looked identical to them.

In between a wave of zombies and demons to shoot down, I was hanging out next to BigBro442, waiting for our next attack. Suddenly, BigBro442’s disembodied helmet faced me dead-on. His floating hand approached my body, and he started to virtually rub my chest.

“Stop!” I cried. I must have laughed from the embarrassment and the ridiculousness of the situation. Women, after all, are supposed to be cool, and take any form of sexual harassment with a laugh. But I still told him to stop.

This goaded him on, and even when I turned away from him, he chased me around, making grabbing and pinching motions near my chest. Emboldened, he even shoved his hand toward my virtual crotch and began rubbing.

There I was, being virtually groped in a snowy fortress with my brother-in-law and husband watching.

As it progressed, my joking comments toward BigBro442 turned angrier, and were peppered with frustrated obscenities. At first, my brother-in-law and husband laughed along with me— all they could see was the flat computer screen version of the groping. Outside the total immersion of the QuiVr world, this must have looked pretty funny, and definitely not real.”

She tangled around for a while with Bigbro442 and finally took the headset off and quit the game.

Jordan said that her experience enlightened her on the “unbridled misogyny that spawns from gaming anonymity.” She then calls for stronger measures and regulations to be taken in order to “tame the wild, wild west of VR multi-player”

Cool story bro.

There’s just one problem: It never happened.

Even if it did, society has better things to worry about than whether you enjoyed a virtual game or not.