If I had a dollar every time a male Feminist and supposed champion of women’s rights turned out to be a creep/sexist/rapist, I’d be richer than Bill Gates right now. Kai Cole, Josh Whedon’s now-divorced wife, in a new tell-all article, has revealed what the past 20-years living with the Avengers director has been like. According to her, Josh’s “geek-feminist” persona is all con, designed with the sole purpose of getting him into women’s pants.
The two begun dating around the time Josh’s “Buffy the vampire slayer” was adapted for TV. Even then, the ex-wife was concerned with how Josh always surrounded himself with lots and lots of women. However, Josh assured her there was nothing fishy going on; he was only in the company of women all the time because he was a male feminist and supported women’s rights. From the wife’s own mouth:
…….There were times in our relationship that I was uncomfortable with the attention Joss paid other women. He always had a lot of female friends, but he told me it was because his mother raised him as a feminist, so he just liked women better. He said he admired and respected females, he didn’t lust after them. I believed him and trusted him. On the set of “Buffy,” Joss decided to have his first secret affair.
Fifteen years later, when he was done with our marriage and finally ready to tell the truth, he wrote me, “When I was running ‘Buffy,’ I was surrounded by beautiful, needy, aggressive young women. It felt like I had a disease, like something from a Greek myth. Suddenly I am a powerful producer and the world is laid out at my feet and I can’t touch it.”
Our boy Josh was in paradise. Here was this nerdy geek guy who probably spent the better part of his life getting rejected by women, and then suddenly, his work of fiction was picked up by a major publication. Josh quickly found himself surrounded by an endless stream of good looking fans, co-workers, actresses and friends. What else is there to do but still your dick in them? Only problem was, he was still married at the time:
Joss admitted that for the next decade and a half, he hid multiple affairs and a number of inappropriate emotional ones that he had with his actresses, co-workers, fans and friends, while he stayed married to me. He wrote me a letter when our marriage was falling apart, but I still didn’t know the whole truth, and said, “I’ve never loved anyone or wanted to be with anyone in any real or long-term way except for you ever.
And I love our life. I love how you are, how we are, who you are and what we’ve done both separately and together, how much fun we have…” He wanted it all; he didn’t want to choose, so he accepted the duality as a part of his life. Despite understanding, on some level, that what he was doing was wrong, he never conceded the hypocrisy of being out in the world preaching feminist ideals, while at the same time, taking away my right to make choices for my life and my body based on the truth.
He deceived me for 15 years, so he could have everything he wanted. I believed, everyone believed, that he was one of the good guys, committed to fighting for women’s rights, committed to our marriage, and to the women he worked with. But I now see how he used his relationship with me as a shield, both during and after our marriage, so no one would question his relationships with other women or scrutinize his writing as anything other than feminist.
When Josh finally revealed all his secret relationships to her, her brains went ballistic; she was broken, hurt, and eventually diagnosed with complex Post traumatic stress disorder (Real PTSD, not the fake Tumblr type). The only silver lining in this, is that she is finally free of him. She urged all the organizations giving Josh feminist awards to reconsider glorifying a hypocrite:
My entire reality changed overnight, and I went from being a strong, confident woman, to a confused, frightened mess. I was eventually diagnosed with Complex PTSD and for the last five years, I have worked hard to make sense of everything that happened and find my balance again.
It has not been easy, because even though in my personal life I have been completely open about what happened, publicly people only know his superficial presentation of us: him as the lovable geek-feminist and me in the background, as his wife and supporter. I want to let women know that he is not who he pretends to be.
I want the people who worship him to know he is human, and the organizations giving him awards for his feminist work, to think twice in the future about honoring a man who does not practice what he preaches. But no matter what happens, or how people interpret this statement, I no longer have to carry the burden of Joss’ long-term deceit and confessions. I am free.
Feminist privileges officially revoked: