Editor’s Note: This is a satirical Article Submitted to AgeOfShitlords by Lorna Salzman
A respected historian and scholar, Amadeus Nihilis, has concluded after years of research that the Judeo-Christian god bears ultimate and full responsibility for the institution of slavery in the United States.
Nihilis, who has followed the debate for decades in the USA about American responsibility for slavery and possible reparations to slaves’ descendants, laid out his argument with merciless clarity, while fending off the outrage of Black Lives Matter and Christian and Jewish clergy, who have indicted the entire 21st century American population for the importation of slaves starting in the 17th century from Africa to work on colonial plantations.
Opposing his finding, other scholars pointed out that the Atlantic slave trade originated in north Africa and other Mediterranean countries with the willing assistance of black tribal leaders and Arab merchants. But not all scholars found this accurate. Some blamed ship builders, owners and captains who facilitated the means of transporting slaves to the New World. Further complicating the matter were charges by other scholars of the history of intercontinental trade that ship captains could not have made the ocean crossing without the charts showing the northern hemisphere sky’s constellations, which were used for navigation. Still others went further back in history, blaming the inventor of glass lenses which allowed telescopes to map the sky.
But Nihilis authoritatively dismissed all of these claims by pointing out that, like everything else in our galaxy, the fixed stars used for navigation were placed in their position by the God who is worshipped by Christians and Jews and credited with being the creator of the universe. (Whether this is the same god called Allah by Muslims is not clear.)
Said Nihilis: “This god is, as long suspected, a god of megalomaniacal proportions who has never prohibited slavery and continues to carry out acts of ruthless vengeance, retribution, exhibiting a lack of mercy and a generally petty and petulant character. He is an unmitigated sexist who inspired the widespread oppressive patriarchy that persists today in the Catholic church, orthodox Judaism and above all the Muslim world. It is not surprising that he would create and arrange objects and patterns in our galaxy that would lay out a path for humans to exploit and dominate other humans. Ultimately the descendants of slaves and those who blame one particular nation’s actions at a time in their distant past need to re-think and re-write their faulty history. And further, even more challenging will be the inescapable prospect of indicting their own god for this cataclysmic and reprehensible act”.